After a rough end to January, February is off to the rather blazing start. It’s already four days from Valentine’s Day.  

And the good news is: I’ve accomplished so much lately.

My sweatshirt quilt is almost finished.  Just a couple more dedicated hours and it’s set to be done. Backing and trim and that’s all she wrote. 

Since I can’t decide on a backing, I went ahead and pieced together a blanket for Audie.  It has about 18″ of trim left and it’s done.  I ended up cutting five different sweatshirt scraps into 4″ pieces and pieced them together in a checked pattern.  I bought some cheap flannel for the backing and some satin baby blanket trim.  He’s already trying to use it while it’s folded on the love seat.

While I was laying out the backing, both of our cats decided to sprawl out on it.  Looks like I have a couple more blankets to make before I toss out my sweatshirt scraps.

I’ve been a little distracted lately from my own crafting stuff.  The Mister’s best friend (his best man at our wedding) and his wife just welcomed a new baby girl to their family!  Since the Mister wants to wait until we get back to the mainland (28 more months!) for kids, I have baby fever like no other–especially since my best friend (and maid of honor at our wedding) also just welcomed a baby girl at the end of November. So to quell that desire, I lived vicariously and put together a flat rate box of things for the family.  I checked out our huge local swap meet (it goes around the entire perimeter of Aloha Stadium in Honolulu) and picked up some Hawaiian touristy things–kukui nut leis, kona coffee, macadamia nuts, a stuffed sea turtle, kids board books, and of course a cheesy Hawaii t-shirt and onesie for their girls. I even bought a flower lei for their dog. 

This box brought me back to the Mister’s deployment days.  I sent him a themed box every month he was gone (and usually more in between).  For the baby box, I covered the inside of the box with baby print gift wrap so it was more like a present. I miss sending care packages.  It gives me something to plan and the excitement of putting it together doesn’t get old.  I’ve often thought of setting up an Etsy shop or something specializing in themed care packages for all people/occasions, but….that’s tricky with postage.  It’s a bigger project for another day!

In other news…..

Audie has graduated from needing puppy boosters!  He has finally been given the clear to go to the dog park, beach, and walk around more than just our yard.  I’m so thrilled.  We went on our first walk tonight since the vet told us we had to stay home (there’s been a Parvo outbreak where we live and we didn’t want to take any chances).  He’s gotten SO big too. A whopping 21lbs now. He was ecstatic to go tonight.  He had the attention span of a goldfish though. So many new smells since we went out last. He wagged his tail and trotted the entire time. Great news for him. And I get to get out too!

So things are progressing fairly well. Excited to see where the rest of the month takes us.

Until next time!

Cheers,

 

-A. xoxo

 

Just got word today that my adopted grandfather passed away on Friday.  My phone has been out of commission since Wednesday (thanks to my dynamic cat duo for managing to pull it into a glass of water–talent!) so I don’t know if anyone tried to contact me or not previously, but that doesn’t matter.  My mom, bless her heart, was thoughtful enough to Skype me instead of just emailing me.  More people should do that rather than hit the text button, but that’s a story for another day.  This post will focus on this wonderful man.

I met Wayne and his wife Delores when I was about 2-3.  I don’t recall this meeting, but I’m so blessed they came into my life.  They lived one house down the block from us.  We aren’t related, but they used to watch me when my parents had ball games and treated me as one of their own grandchildren.

My first memories of them were from the night before my middle sister was born: April 18. 1992. I had just turned 4. Easter was the next day and my family had all been planning on doing the traditional church service in your Easter best, egg hunting, and family meal thing.  That evening, my parents dropped me off to spend the night with “Grandma and Grandpa”–I’m sure I had known them previously, but my small brain vividly remembers this memory as the first with them.  I was in my zip up Little Mermaid footie pajamas (you know, those onesie deals that every adult thinks are cute now) and planned on sleeping on the couch.  I had no idea my new baby sister was about to be born.  I remember not sleeping well on the couch and crawling into bed between grandma and grandpa.

From then on, I was forever going to visit them.  Grandpa Wayne bought me my first tricycle. Not one of those cheap plastic trikes either.  It was pink metal and had a white seat with pink and green roses.  His favorite story was how I couldn’t make the turn to the house.  I would “pedal and pedal and pedal” but when I couldn’t turn to get to the porch, I’d get so frustrated.  He always laughed at that part.

I find myself remembering little bits and pieces of memories of him as I type.

He always smelled of Marlboro cigarettes, wood shavings, and aftershave.

I used to sit on his lap in his favorite old recliner playing with a solar powered calculator and a plastic magnify glass.

He always wore tall brown boots that would cover my entire leg when I tried to put them on.

He always drove to the coffee shop for cards and joe with the other old men.

He was always in the shop working on this or that.  He worked with wood and instilled a love of it within me as well.  He had every power tool known to man in that shop.  He was missing the tips of some of his fingers–I never asked him how, I always assumed it was from a slip on the table saw, but the could have been from his military days.

He made John Deere tractor bird houses and squirrel feeders out of pickle jars.

He mailed me a hammer, wood pieces, and nails for my birthday one year when we moved to Georgia.

Any time I would visit, my first stop was the shop to build something with him.  I have a miniature doll house with simple furniture we built together–with a working hinged door–and various other pieces we made on our visits. He always helped me measure and cut. He rarely let me use the drill press unsupervised. I have a model airplane he thought up on the spot painted in red, white, and blue.  He just started cutting out the shapes and within an hour or two, we had an airplane.  It is one of the few pieces to have survived my many moves.  It’s broken now, but the pieces are still intact and I plan to put it back together to hang from our future son’s ceiling. I keep a jewelry box we made together in my office.

I have many happy memories from my time spent with him.  He is family, even though he didn’t have to be.

In recent years, Alzheimer’s reared its ugly head again for one of my beloved grandparents. He was not himself and it hurt to see the changes again in someone else I loved. Grandma Dee, his wife, did what she could to keep him home, but he went to the care center in July–I was able to see them in March.  He didn’t have much time in the center (a blessing really).

I’m not sure how to talk to Grandma in the next few days.  My mother said she was feeling numb.  She wanted to feel something, but couldn’t.  As far as the disease had progressed, it’s not hard to see why.  In her mind, he was already gone.  I’m sure she will grieve.  It will just take some time to sink in.  She’s a wonderful lady and loved him very much.

It was easy to love him.  And that’s why it hurts so much to miss him right now.

Wish I was home for the funeral, but that’s impossible in the next few days with flights over $1000. So I’ll remember him my way.  With cheesy potatoes and Pepsi–staples when visiting him.

RIP Grandpa Wayne.  Thank you for teaching me so much and loving me when you didn’t have to even know me. I love you and miss you.

-A.

I’m extremely thrilled to update today.  It’s been a struggle to get things going lately (moving, settling in, job hunting, adding family members, medical issues, etc…) but we finally have PROGRESS.

As I sit here, with the dog plopped beside me and a certain orange tabby between the keyboard and me, I’m excited to knock a few things off of my previous post’s list.

Firstly, I have begun piecing together my sweatshirt quilt! My fancy new scissors made extremely quick work of about 60-75 old college/high school/travel hoodies.  Took a day to lay them out.  Didn’t start piecing them together for about an extra day or two.

Here’s what the layout will look like once it’s finished. Excuse the dog toys and cat tail…I can’t do anything in this living room without my four-legged helpers.

Wound up getting almost two rows together before running out of thread.  It’s just as well I did though.  Our electricity was out (again!) for 7 hours this morning.  I had a whole morning of doing other chores planned, but that went out the window and I have zero desire to do any of them now (I have to be in the right mood to clean this house….long story for another time).   It sounds like it’s taking a lot of time to do, but considering the size of this project (it’s already big enough to be a comforter on a full size bed), I’m chugging along at a great speed.  Not that I’m in ANY hurry, mind you. As I’ve been working, I’ve started to come up with more projects.

I keep my scraps in case I need to add a piece here or there to make the edges even.  While cutting out the graphics, I found my Audie boy curled up in the pile of scraps.  Maybe they smell like me, or maybe they still smell like my parents’ dog (the shirts were in their backroom while we figured out the whole wedding/moving thing), but either way, he was perfectly content to lay there.  This sparked the first idea. With these extra sweatshirt pieces, Audie is getting his own puppy blanket to put in his new airline carrier (more on that later).  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy for him, just something he can cuddle with.

Then I realized once I started the t-shirt quilt, I’d have a million more scraps (my t-shirts to cut are significantly more out of control than the sweatshirts–I have a huge cedar chest overflowing with them).  Here’s the next idea: tied rag rug.  I’ve been hunting an inexpensive rug for our house since we moved here (no carpet is a huge change for me and I miss it). I checked out Pier1 (yeah, MASSIVE mistake there.  Holy expensive price tag, Batman!) and saw this shaggy rag rug.  As soon as I saw it, I knew I could make one on my own for significantly less than retail price.  Thus, my new project idea was born. I am currently scouring the internet for the mesh canvas I’ll need for this huge undertaking (the rug will be 5′ x 7′ ideally).  I have a sinking feeling I might have to summon my will power and make a trip to the craft store–anyone who knows me, knows I can’t go to the craft store without breaking the bank.  Either way, I know I can spend less than the $250 price tag to make this thing happen.  I already have the fabric and the glue gun.  All I need is the mesh and mama’s off to the races!

Now that I have the creative juices flowing again (I’ve always been a creative type, thanks to a wonderful camp counselor who has inspired me in more ways than I can ever thank him enough for–I wasn’t even a camper when I worked with Captain Creativity. But that story is for another day), I keep finding fun projects all over the place.  After the quilts and rugs and doggie blankets, I have a huge bag of metal bottle caps just waiting to be up-cycled into a wind chime.  And wine bottles to turn into lamps/tiki style torches. And jars to be painted for my furbabies’ treats.

Needless to say, Pinterest is my go to for new craft ideas (though some of these I did think of on my own).

On to the other important progress!

I’m cautiously going to say that Audie is 99.9% done with potty training!  He has been doing so well! He now goes by the door and stares at you when he wants out.  Or he’ll get in your face to tell you now is the time. This new development is awesome since I’m home with him most of the time.  We are starting to put him in his carrier when we go places together so the mess will be confined.  The last two times we’ve been out, he hasn’t gone in his carrier at all.  I know this is fairly mundane news, but this pooch….he has a huge bladder so when he decides to go, it’s Niagra Falls type clean up.   He’s WAY too smart for his own good though.  We’ve been bribing him with a treat after he goes outside to potty.  The little stinker has this figured out and will go out, do part of his business, come in for a treat, then 5 minutes later, he wants out to finish.  He has his daddy more whipped than me though.  I don’t let him come in before he finishes ALL of his stuff outside. Since I’m with him all the time, I know his schedule so I can plan on when I need to let him out for more than a quick one.  The Mister doesn’t know that and Audie milks it for all it’s worth!

So now we’ve checked two things off the goal list.  My plan for the back in shape stuff will likely start after Audie gets the green light from the vet to go for more walks–he needs one last booster that’ll be done in a couple of weeks.  Once he’s allowed to come outside the yard, I plan to at least walk him down along the beach every night.  Not a lot, but it is something.  He’s still leash training so once he’s got the hang of that, we’re switching to running.  He’s so high energy (thanks to his terrier mix), he needs to run as much as I do.  It’ll be good for us both.

Here’s to keeping up with these goals.  It’s a nice little routine and I want to keep going.

Anyone with suggestions for posts, let me know.  I want to start blogging more than my day-to-day business.  Lord knows I’m getting rather boring.

Cheers!

-A

With the new year finally underway, I figured it was time to set some new goals.  None of those resolutions that no one ever follows through with.  I don’t have any long term goals at the moment, but that could change.  The only reason I’m writing about this is because once it’s down and out in cyber space, I feel like I’ll be more likely to reach the end.

So here goes!

1. Get Audie completely potty trained. This dog has his challenges.  Being a rescue, traditional means of potty training do no good. As a former major pet store employee, I had to learn positive reinforcement techniques as part of proper training, so I’m using everything I learned to try to get this kid to go outside.  He’s SO close.  He knows it’s naughty to go in the house, but he still won’t go to the door or act like he wants out.  He does have some tells, so as long as I can keep up with him, we’ll get this licked yet!

2. Finish my t-shirt quilt.  I’ve been working on collecting shirts and cutting them out for about 3 years now.  I have yet to sew anything together, let alone plan the layout.  Since the job side of things isn’t playing out as I planned….I decided why not?

3. Find a new place to call our own.  Our lease isn’t up here until May, but we’ve already decided that we won’t be renewing it. We’ve had so many troubles with this house, it’s not worth the hassle for another two years–besides, rent is astronomical and utilities make me want to cry. So, I’m combing the housing market for a place that allows pets and is closer to post.  Plus, this place feels so institutional (seriously, it reminds us of an old dorm or barracks room–peel and stick 1970s tile, rubber baseboards, and peeling latex paint); we want something that feels more like a home.  Hopefully that will help us feel like we’re doing more than sleeping here until we PCS somewhere else.

4. Get back to C25K training.  Maybe I’ll even sign myself up for an actual race so I stick to it.  Now that the wisdom teeth are all sorted and I don’t think I’ll have any more issues health-wise, it’s time to really get back on the horse, so to speak.  Frankly, I just don’t want to go up a pant size.  Basically, I just want to feel better about this body I’m in, like I did before my last semester in college.  (Note: I’m not that out of shape, nor have I put on a ton of weight.  I’m just not built to put on more than a couple pounds, so those extra 7-8 are awful!)

5. Try to change my husband’s mind about starting a family.  I know it’s a long shot, but what can it hurt? He wants to wait until we get back to the mainland to start trying, but he’s changed his mind twice since we got here.  In September, he brought it up that we should start trying since our budget was finally under control.  Then we bought a car and he’s back to thinking we can wait–even though the budget is just as stable. He seems to have no trouble wanting to add animals to our clan, but kids of the two legged variety are the furthest thing from his mind.  Here’s to hoping I guess.

6. Bloom where I am planted.  Lately, the Mister and I have both been really burned out about living here.  It only intensified after my family left from their visit. Maybe it’s the house or the lack of a job for me or that we’re SO removed from everyone (we share a wall with our neighbors and have NEVER seen/met them)….but I’ve resolved to make the best out of the situation.  Don’t get me wrong, I realize this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  It’s just really difficult when you feel absolutely no connection to those around you. So, I’ve decided to start doing things I love just to keep myself busy/relatively happy. That’s where the crafting and reading/writing will come in. Time to find a place to volunteer and maybe a church. You know it’s time for a change when you want desperately to bond with everyone from the gal who cuts your hair to the dental hygienist scraping your teeth.

These are all I’ve given much thought to.

Steps in the right direction:

* I ordered new (ridiculously expensive) fabric scissors so the t-shirt quilt WILL make some headway.

* Audie is being very cooperative lately with his potty habits (and he’ll be getting a kennel after the 15th for when the Mister and I want to leave for a few hours).

* I’ve already got my feelers out for a new place, just have to wait until the end of the lease gets closer to start scheduling visits etc.

* Seeing how ridiculously in shape my mother and middle sister are (and a SO not flattering photo of myself in a bathing suit), I just need the motivation to get out the front door to get going on the training.  I miss yoga, so I’m thinking I’ll pick that back up too.

* I’ll keep bringing up the subject of kids here and there.  It might become more feasible to him after we move to a new place with lower rent.  Otherwise, I’ll just get a fish tank or something…

* I’ve been out exploring more on my own with the new car and I’m remembering what it feels like to not be restricted to the house, so there is hope to enjoying SOMETHING while I’m here. My family visit left TONS of photos to sift through and I genuinely liked showing them around and being able to take pictures again.  So if worse comes to worst, I’ll just go out and shoot things with my trusty camera. At least life would be documented.

Oh! Before I forget…I finally got some photos up from the family excursion. No edits/enhancements/crops. Most aren’t even that great, but there’s a couple of gems in there, I just know it!

If you’re interested, the link is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ashley_waid/

They’re all in the photostream or in sets based on location.  I will be adding more over from my Photobucket account (as they are VERY limited as to space, while Flickr is not) as the urge strikes–I ordered a bigger external hard drive so I need to transfer them all anyway.

The Photobucket links are here (I had to add another since the first one wasn’t letting me upload more):

http://s45.photobucket.com/user/still-not-clicking/library/

or

http://s1319.photobucket.com/user/ashleywaid/library/

In closing, If I can stick to even one of these, 2014 won’t be so bad!

Cheers.

-A. xoxo

Ah, yes.  I did indeed fall off the face of the earth the last couple of months.

I truly didn’t do much in November aside from cook my first Thanksgiving dinner solo for only two of us.  Needless to say, I can’t cook for just two people so we ate for a solid week and a half.

Oh! We did get a new puppy.  We brought Audie home about a week before Thanksgiving from a rescue group here on Oahu. We were told he is a lab mix, but he has far more terrier and possibly a little hound in him.  He won’t be nearly as big as we were gunning for.  But he’s adorable and I’m loving the addition.

Other than that, November was fairly calm.  I took the Mister out shopping for the first time on Black Friday.  He was not impressed and told me he wasn’t going next year. Apart from that, we have our hands full with three fur kids now.  We are still working feverishly to get this little guy completely potty trained, but he’s doing well!

December was a little more exciting.

My family came for two whole weeks! I haven’t seen any of them in person since the week after our wedding.  My mother is essentially my best friend so I was truly needing her here more than anything.  I took them around to various places on Oahu–a good chunk of them new to me as well. I took far too many photos and have yet to get around to posting them (the family left on NYE and I’m still trying to cope/find my house). Once I do, I will gladly post a link.

I realized after dropping them off at the airport and sobbing the whole way home–NOT recommended as I was driving–exactly how cut off from everyone we know we are here.  His family is in North Carolina/Alabama, my family is in Nebraska/Iowa, and our friends span the entire contiguous United States as well as a sprinkling throughout Europe/Australia. We are the odd men out.  It’ safe to say our “honeymoon phase” for living here is over.  We have about 29 more months here…So I’m really focusing all of my energy back into finding a job–still unsuccessful, more on that later–and finding us a place that feels more like a home. With just us here, we really need to find something that connects us or we’re in for an ungodly long remainder of the tour.

As I said, the job market is abysmal. Since I have a degree, I can no longer just pick up a part time job willy-nilly.  I’m vastly overqualified, but I’m also incredibly bored and would LOVE something to occupy my time–if it happens to be the same job I had in college, so be it.  But other than that, it’s the extreme lack of opportunities on this island.  With the economy in the crapper still, I’m hard pressed to hop in anywhere, especially because I am not a local.  I truly feel like I am living in Georgia again–I am the minority. I’m used to working all the time, sometimes two or three jobs.  With nothing now, I’m becoming very rusty with communication and have a very low tolerance for some of the stuff I see while shopping in any retail setting. Not only that, but I’m a social creature.  I crave so much more than a few words with my animals/husband. I’m losing hope, but desperately trying not to.

In other news, welcoming in 2014 seems to be going smoothly.  I am hopeful for changes and clinging to whatever shred of positivity I might still possess.

Here’s to continuing on this path and seeing what happens next!

Cheers.

-A. xoxo

Been a long couple of weeks around here lately.

Someone didn’t put me in the system for the tooth extraction on the 7th so I got bumped back to the 15th and had both the bottom wisdom teeth yanked.

Had some pain issues.  Didn’t get prescribed pain meds after the extraction and I ended up toughing it out for the remainder of the first week.  Finally, I caved and called for some.  

Because of my medication allergies, they had me come in to make sure things were healing properly.  Turns out I had a bit of a dry socket on one side.  No wonder my face felt like it was falling off!  Ended up with a topical packing and it feels SO much better.

Have a couple more appointments next week but then I should be all done with the teeth business and good to go back on track with the 5k stuff. 

In other news…we bought a new car!

Now I have my own wheels.  We’re a little bit tight for the next few weeks until we recoup that down payment, but well worth it.  It’s nice to have a vehicle so I’m not taking the Mr. from work to go to all these appointments.

I’ve been combing the job boards heavily since we made the purchase. I’m hoping for some sort of hit soon. I am the numbers half of this marriage, so since it’s my car, I want to be able to contribute something towards the payments.  We’re still saving a bunch at the end of the month, but still. It’d be nice not to have him paying for everything again.

Other than that….Life’s about the same.  

Will post more as things progress.

Cheers!

-A

Well, the Couch to 5K training did start on Monday as I planned.

However, it came to a screeching halt on Tuesday after a trip to the dentist.  I finally gave in and went to the dentist for a wisdom tooth that has been bugging me since, oh, I don’t know, April?  It was throbbing and swelling.  My whole jaw hurt and I couldn’t close my mouth or chew on that side.  This stupid tooth had already broken the surface, but now it’s causing all sorts of trouble.  Anyway! Teeth are gross (to me at least) and I’m sure no one wants to read about the ordeal.

This is also my first time dealing with Tricare dental plans.  As anyone using Tricare knows, it can be a royal pain in the butt.  After searching for dentists in our network for days and requesting appointments online to no avail, I finally gave up and called one of the dentists listed.  Low and behold, they took Tricare and could get me in within a few days.  They didn’t do a full set of x-rays or a cleaning–which I thought was super odd…..

Instead they did one x-ray of the side that was killing me slowly.  The dentist came in and said unfortunately he didn’t feel comfortable extracting this bad boy himself, so he was referring me to an oral surgeon.  What luck! I’d be able to get my pesky tooth out of the way and I’d finally be on the road to recovery.

That is, until I called the referral oral surgeon.  As luck would have it, they didn’t take Tricare and everything would out of my own pocket.  I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t have an extra grand up for grabs to use to pull a tooth (hello! I’d have a vehicle if I did!).  They offered to get me in bright and early in Honolulu the next day (a 45 minute drive without traffic).  Initially I accepted, thinking I HAD to get this thing out before I removed it myself, Castaway style.

After calling my hubby with the “good” news, he proceeded to gripe rather vocally about how that was ridiculous and “why would they refer you to someone not in our network?!”….So I went hunting for another oral surgeon within the Tricare Network.

I finally found one and they’re significantly closer to home.  The seventh cannot come soon enough.

Anywho! Back to why I’m sidelined.

I was fine with running with the jaw pain.  Whatever, the first week of C25K isn’t that bad.  But after my dentist took a look at the troublesome tooth, he decided to prescribe me some painkillers and an antibiotic to keep infection away until I could get in to the oral surgeon.  Well….painkillers and I have a long history of not liking each other.

As a preemie, I was given morphine and my heart nearly beat out of my chest.  When I was in my early twenties, I was unfortunate enough to have a week in the hospital with a bowel obstruction and was given demerol, which we promptly learned I am extremely allergic to (puking one’s guts out with a tube down one’s throat is possibly the most vile experience ever).  Thanks to my mother, they switched it out for dialodid which wasn’t much better.   Essentially, I cannot handle any of the “good” painkillers.

My wonderful new dentist (who really is pretty awesome as far as dentists go) gave me some Tylenol #3.  That would be acetaminophen with codeine! As it turns out, codeine and I do not get along so well.  I spent the better part of Tuesday afternoon and evening getting intimately close to my toilet. With all the hugging I was doing, the porcelain gods should be appeased.

I wasn’t sure if it was the painkillers or something I ate, so Wednesday I tempted fate with the pain pills again.  My jaw was so sore by morning, I was willing to make nice with my toilet again just to feel slightly better in the face region.  I ended up sleeping a lot (a fun side effect) and feeling nauseous all day.  So it was likely entirely the pain medication’s fault, but I’m still on it until it’s gone.  So every six hours I gear up to feel icky for the sake of my poor jaw until those things are gone (not too many days left!).

I do get to go back to the dentist for a full set of x-rays on Tuesday so maybe they can find me something else until the seventh.

Until then, I’ll suffer the ill feelings and start up the C25K as soon as I’m good to go from the tooth extraction.  The first day felt way too good to want to give up on it.

Until then,

-A

A year ago today, my grandmother passed away after a long battle against Alzheimer’s disease.

Despite expecting it to happen, it is significantly harder for me today than I thought it would be.  While I was relieved she was finally released from this tormenting disease, being so far from the people I love today has proven extremely hard.  I knew when I married my soldier I would be far from home so this too was expected.  However, the pain is still extremely fresh.

My grandmother lived with us since I was six years old. My family moved to Georgia from the midwest and my little sister was still a toddler.  With such a major move and crunch on finances, my grandmother chose to move with us to help watch my sister while my parents worked.  Eventually, we added another sister and moved back to the midwest following my parents’ jobs.  Grandma stayed on to help with the youngest.  After we were all in school, grandma still stayed.  

It was after my junior year in high school that we started to see some unsettling changes. It started with little things. Talking in her sleep, misplacing things, getting lost while driving. Then it was significantly worse. Mood swings, hiding things in random places, taking the bedding off the bed constantly, uncontrolled bladder movements….the list goes on.  By the time I was a junior in college, the disease had started to really take its toll.

All the while, my immediate family watched this descent.  This wasn’t the grandma we knew.  It was absolutely heartbreaking to see this disease take hold and totally transform her.  

It wasn’t fair to us to have the whole burden placed on us–my family is VERY extensive.  My sisters were still in high school and elementary and my parents were working full time.  I was just starting at a new college and not being there for my family was tearing me apart.  After seeing a counselor at the health center (and subsequently bawling my eyes out to a total stranger), I decided to withdraw from school and move home to help my family.  My mother was getting the brunt of the work because despite the signs, my father didn’t want to accept what was happening to his mom.  He was in denial a lot of the time and didn’t see how much it stressed the rest of us out. I don’t blame him at all.  If it were my mother, I’d be in denial too.  Seeing someone you love so much change so completely in such a short amount of time would leave anyone shell-shocked.  

I spent a year back at home watching grandma. I’m positive that in that time, my mother, sisters, and I all had more than our fair share of tears and frustration. I know we suffered mentally, emotionally, and physically because of it. My father finally began to realize that he couldn’t deny it any more.  He saw what this disease was doing to his family as well as his mom.  Eventually, he would agree to hire someone to watch her full time while the rest of us went to work/school during the day.  It wasn’t long after hiring the help that grandma took a turn for the worse.

As with the aggressive progression of Alzheimer’s, behavior turned violent.  Our help quit without notice after grandma swung a rake at her, leaving us back to being the full time caretakers.  It was then I transferred to a college closer to home so I could be available for my family should they need it.  Shortly after, the decision to put her in a nursing home was made.

Putting her at Good Sam was the hardest day of everyone’s life.  She was still cognitive enough to know that she wouldn’t be coming back home with us.  Devastating in its most complete form.  Eventually, my family began to really dislike visiting.  It was a constant reminder that we couldn’t do any more from home.  

Our families had just gathered for a multi-generation photo the day before we got the call.  We were in the same state as the Good Sam, but because of the already long trip back home decided not to stop, thinking we’d go the next time when we had more time.  That’s the funny thing about time….you always think you’ll have more time later.  The next day, the Good Sam called us and said she was unresponsive.  As per our prior agreement, we had a do not resuscitate order in place.  We knew that reviving her would only prolong the torment of the disease and she had been battling so long.  My parents immediately got in the car to try to be there for when she finally let go.  My mother called about two hours into the drive and said she had passed before they got there.  Her celebration of life followed a few days later, reconvening our families.

It was my task to put together a slide show for the service.  Our family consented to having her body (most importantly her brain) given to the UIMC for study on Alzheimer’s in hopes for one day finding a cause/cure so the celebration wasn’t a typical one. With no body, we only had our memories to pay respects to.  Since I had been known for piecing together slideshows for other family events (graduations, birthdays, funerals etc…) it was up to me to put together a slide show for this celebration.  I poured through boxes and boxes of my mother’s photographs (thank goodness my mom was/is notorious for taking pictures) trying to find every shot I could with grandma in it.  Because she had lived with us so long, we were fortunate to still have a lot of her family pictures from generations long gone.  Not wanting to have a slide show showing just my family, I reached out to cousins/aunts/uncles etc for more images.  I think I was sent maybe 10 images from just as many people.  With her death still so fresh in my mind, I set to the task of scanning and piecing together a decent video.

I don’t think I’ve every cried so much. Through these pictures I saw the grandmother I adored as a child and how memories of her in recent years had overshadowed the joy with sadness and frustration. I knew she couldn’t help what the disease was doing to her as much as I couldn’t help feeling so helpless and frustrated by her behavior.  And yet MY recent memories of my grandmother were tainted by this terrible disease.  My extended family still had the better years to look back on and remember, while my immediate family had to cling to what few happy memories could shine through during the worst of the storm.  I regularly ranted to my family how it wasn’t fair that I would do all this work and have to see her face but they all got to remember the good times the best. It was a labor of love in the end.  Seeing the old photos I could see how wonderfully happy she had been in life before Alzheimer’s took her hostage.  The woman was always smiling, even in the end.

Now, a year later….I’ve finally posted the service slide show and made sure to store all the old images safely in an online data base.  I’m still haunted by the bad memories which are only increased when extended family members start asking for photos and old recipes.  It genuinely upsets me to no end. Why now, when she’s gone do you suddenly have an interest in keeping her memory alive?  Where were you when my family was going through all of the pain associated with her care?  It shouldn’t surprise me.  I know it is not done to be malicious and I should be grateful my family has the recipes and photos to share.  But…..the bitterness still rears its ugly head.  That makes me human.  It comes from living with this woman and seeing the change happen. While the rest of the family was sheltered from the stark reality, mine had to find a way to pull together to do what was best for her.  We have the emotional scars and have to struggle to think back to the “good times” before this took her from us.  While we are all so blessed to have had her in our lives so intimately, we also have to carry the burden of seeing the ugly side of things.

All in all, I miss my grandmother and wouldn’t wish this disease on my enemies.  From the personal experiences with Alzheimer’s, I can’t begin to describe the devastation. But, I do my best to keep the happy memories alive–if only to stave off the negative ones. She was a wonderful lady who loved her family more than anything and it was blissfully obvious in everything she did.

I’m so thankful she is in a better place and finally free of the disease’s grips.

In honor of her memory, the service slideshow link is below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTEP12iznw0 

Love you grandma,

-A

I’ve recently spent a lot of time trying to clear out the negative people in my life.

Why?  Life is way too short to be surrounded by those who bring you down (even if you’re not actually surrounded by them).  Social media is a GREAT way to keep in touch with friends and family that are as far flung as my own.

I realized the other day that a good chunk of those people on my friends list were people I vaguely remembered from high school or those I added during that drunken haze in college where everyone MUST be my friend. A lot of them were people I’d never actually had any interaction with, but since we shared the same mascot once, we automatically had to be besties!

Boy was I ever wrong!  It was only recently that I’d begun to realize “holy buckets! These people are awful!” Maybe I’ve matured or maybe I’ve just come in contact with so many awesome people that the negative boldly stood out….but there was some pretty ridiculous drama coming through my newsfeed. Trouble with husbands, blatantly racist/sexist/downright rude photos/commentary, griping about their children, foul language that was suitable when we were 16 and only when our parents weren’t around.  Come on!

1) NEVER speak ill of your S/O.  Maybe it’s the deployment reminders, but I could never take my husband for granted, let alone spew all over the internet how mad I was at him for this, that, or the other thing.  Keep your personal business private! No one wants to see you air out your dirty laundry.  If you’re having issues, go DO something about it rather than posting it all over the web.  How unproductive.

2) I was blessed to grow up all over the US and the Army has given us the opportunity to explore new places/peoples we might never have been/seen before.  How any one can judge another (still, in this day and age) by their skin, religion, gender, sexual orientation etc etc….is beyond me.  A person is a person.  We all have our differences and opinions.  The ignorance on my newsfeed was atrocious.  Frequently I wanted to scream “Thank you for living your stereotype!”  That’s the thing about stereotypes.  They’re ALL offensive, but there’s always someone out there that is the whole reason we have those stereotypes–but that’s a topic for another day (and trust me, I see these ALL the time and have a great deal to say about them).

3) Your children are a blessing and YOUR CHOICE.  And yes, it will always be a choice.  Don’t want kids? Don’t have sex or protect yourself while doing so.  Again, another topic for another day.  I know far too many people who have no business being parents, and yet they have children.  Mind, Blown. I understand accidents happen, but that’s when you put on your grown up panties and start living for your kids. I was seeing all sorts of things that made me want to reach through the computer and slap someone.   There are plenty of people who struggled to conceive or couldn’t have kids who would DIE to be in your shoes as a parent.

4) If you have to curse to get your point across, it probably wasn’t a very good point to begin with.  Don’t get me wrong. I, too, have mastered the art of speaking nautically (curse like a sailor reference–curse like a sailor? ha! I curse like a FA wife!). But when you feel the need to phrase everything with “fuck”, “shit”, and “bitch”…we have an issue. You are at your quarter life, start acting like you graduated high school, hmm? “Flipping fuckin’ shit” because some “bitch” took your parking spot is not a reason to have a tantrum. You’re an adult. We have far more creative minds. Use them.

So in the end, there was a mass exodus of the friends list. I dropped roughly 250 “friends” simply because I was tired of the negativity/drama they brought to the table.  Now, it sounds petty (and in the grand scheme of things, IT IS) but once you start removing the outside negativity, you really do start feeling better about yourself.  Surround yourself with good people and your mood instantly brightens.

I started this because, let’s face it, I am thousands of miles from nearly ALL of my friends and family and have yet to meet anyone local to make connections with….and that’s hard enough without adding to it.  Also I was just tired of feeling like “darn, there really IS no hope for this world with these people in it.”

Overall, I have been supremely lucky to have the real friends in my life that I do. They are some awesome people who are genuinely good.  And now that I’ve cleared out the negative, ugly side of humanity from one social network, I can make room for more of that.  I’m doing my best not to dwell on the negative and see the lighter side of life.

Mainly because out here, I HAVE to or I’d completely lose my mind to depression/negativity.  So many major life changes at once simply meant I needed more of the good in my life to get through the rocky start.  I could complain about A LOT about my current situation (no job, no car, no friends/family close, gaining weight, bug invasion, no a/c with 90 degree heat, cats with behavioral problems, constantly dirty house no matter how much I clean…..you get my drift), but I refuse to dwell on it.  This is only a temporary state (and with the Army, it’s ALWAYS temporary) and by ridding myself of negative influences, I’m able to accept the bad with all the great things going on in this new chapter (I live in paradise. People want to vacation where I live. My husband is on dwell time and will be home for holidays, birthdays, and our anniversary this year. I have awesome fur children, even if one has some potty issues. The “winter” months are coming and I won’t have to tromp through huge amounts of snow for the first time in YEARS and it’ll finally cool down a little. My family will visit. My friends will visit.  The house is much cleaner now than when we moved in–our lease is only until May…….another perk! I still get Husker football on the television and will get Duke basketball, the NBA, and NFL as well…etc etc etc).

So basically, I’m living my life as positively as possible and the process of removing negative people has been liberating!

I highly recommend it.

Starting Monday, the Couch to 5K and yoga regiment begins.  Feeling better about my body is a personal step to feeling better about life. And frankly, I miss running just to run and doing yoga to relax my mind.

Here’s to a positive start!

Cheers.

-A

I’ve never been a huge blogger.  Back in high school, I had a Xanga page–pretty sure I still have it, but for the life of me can’t remember the password.  Now I’m out of college, married, and on a new journey with my husband in Hawaii.   I figured now was as good a time as any to document life/daily observations/keep me busy.

So a quick recap.

After the Mister’s deployment from May 2012 – February 2013, we got engaged.  He proposed at the homecoming ceremony in front of everyone.

I was so taken aback.  Never expected it.  I had stayed with some mutual friends because I had NO idea how to get to the building for the ceremony and turns out, they were the ones helping him get the ring and plan this whole thing.  Turds.  Love them both to death anyway.

After the engagement, we realized that I couldn’t come to Hawaii (his next tour station) without being married to him.  We had to hustle to get a legally married.  On March 2, we had a judge marry us in Lincoln with two of our closest friends as witnesses.

We decided to have a full ceremony at the end of May so our families/friends could see a wedding.  Before we had everything planned out, the Mister had leave so we visited his folks in South Carolina.  While there, we took our engagement photos and were treated to George Strait floor seats from my new in-laws.

We were blessed to see the family cabin and the beautiful North Carolina countryside.

Upon returning, we had only a few weeks to finish planning everything for our wedding.  We celebrate May 24 as our anniversary to correspond with our ceremony date.  We picked the 24th because it fell a year and a month to the day when we officially started dating (you know, Facebook official…’cause that counts more or something).

Despite the short engagement, our wedding ceremony was gorgeous.  My only regrets from the whole thing were missing a few traditional wedding photos (me alone in my dress at the altar, close up of the rings, etc…). It was a stunning service that fit our personalities perfectly.  The reception was equally beautiful and we were blessed with many friends and family members in attendance.

A week after our wedding ceremony, we were on a plane to sunny Hawaii for a 36 month tour.  We brought my handsome orange tabby, Jack, with us as we settled into our new home.

Jack was not the happiest guy after moving here, but slowly adjusted. He now is back to his spoiled “normal” self.

This was due in large part to our newest addition.  A month after moving here, Jack was still struggling to adjust.  He had grown up with a lot of other animals in the house so we knew he was lonely. He’d cry for hours on end and search the house for his buddy at home.  The Mister ultimately convinced me to look at getting another cat to help Jack’s loneliness.  I agreed just to go LOOK at the humane society in Honolulu at the other cats.  To my surprise, cat adoptions were reduced to $10 in the month of June and there were a lot of kittens to choose from (we figured Jack would adjust better if he could be the older animal).  Eventually, the Mister chose a cat and when we were leaving decided to bring her home.  Since he’d already made up his mind, trying to talk him out of it was no use.

And so, Hina came to live with us.

She started out as “Natasha” from the humane society, but we wanted to name her something Hawaiian so when we ultimately moved back to the mainland, we’d be reminded of her island roots.  “Hina” is the name of a Hawaiian moon goddess.  It was short and easy to pronounce (not very common here!).  And it suited her.  She’s so beautiful and ornery as sin.

Now that we’re all settled in and somewhat adjusted to life here, we’ve be fortunate enough to welcome a few guests into our home. Among those were one of my camp roommates from Poland and her boyfriend and my second cousin who is stationed nearby in the Navy. We’re looking forward to many more visitors–including my parents and sisters for Christmas.

While my roommate was here, she was kind enough to invite me to hike up Diamond Head Crater.  It was hot and a tough climb for someone who’s never really hiked much, but the view was amazing.

Other than that, I’m attempting to stay busy. We only have one vehicle (a situation I hope we can remedy soon! Car shopping this weekend) and no easily accessible public transportation for me to use to get to a job.  I’ve NEVER been without a job for long periods before and it’s difficult not to have something to do.  I’ve tried looking for online or freelance work, but to no avail.

But this house has proven more than enough to work with.  No air conditioning (we don’t really need it most of the time) so with windows open 24/7 it’s a very dusty house.  But like I said, hopefully we remedy this car situation soon so I can really start looking for employment.  I can’t wait.

If I had the funds to start it up, I’d love to start an online care package website.  I loved putting together the Mister’s care packages during deployment and I know it would be useful for those with loved ones far away (and not just the military kind).  But, listing things like that costs money and I have no business spending money when I don’t know how profitable/useful it would be.  We’ll see how it goes down the line.

So basically, this blog will be a means to document our journeys here (I plan to take TONS of pictures) and chime in on things that matter to me.  It’s also a means to keep me occupied and writing so I can use that big expensive college degree.

Hopefully I can amuse my readers and provide some insight into the real life adventures in Army life (you know, the kind that aren’t full of stereotypes and have some semblance of truth).

Enjoy!

-A